Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A World Without Pull-Ups

Imagine there's no Pull-Ups,
It's easy if you try,
No smell below us,
Above us only smiles,
Imagine all the children
in underwear...

Okay, so it's not quite Lennon's song, but I think it has a far more realistic dream to imagine. At least in my world. Because four nights ago, my three-year-old decided it was time to sleep through the night without a Pull-Up on. And three of those last four nights, he has succeeded without incident. If that isn't cause for celebration, I don't know what is.

But, our world isn't yet complete. We have our two-year-old daughter still in diapers. Yet, she is showing all the "signs of readiness" to begin potty training, so perhaps the day isn't so far off. It is a world that I find hard to imagine, actually. Not easy. Because for the past seven-and-a-half years, we have had at least one child in diapers at all times. Almost eight years, actually. And much of that time we've had more than one.

I'll admit that changing diapers has never been a huge chore. I guess you just accept it as part of the package of parenthood. Even the horrific moments, such as walking into your daughter's room to find she has smeared her own feces all over the wall, her crib, her sheets, and herself. Such moments are like an initiation. One of those, "you just wait" events that you are warned about by parents with a bit more experience under the belt, and one of those events that you swear you will manage to avoid in your role as a perfect parent.

Perfection evades the best of us...but still, I can't help but wonder what life would really be like without having to deal with diapers and Pull-Ups. Here are a few possibilities:

  1. The amount of money we'll save will mean we can, perhaps, actually pay off our credits cards.
  2. The time shaved off our day will allow each of us to be more productive, resulting in leaps and bounds increases in output. In short, more writing time for me! (Or not.)
  3. We will single-handedly reduce the amount of waste in our landfills, and will be awarded Nobel Peace Prizes as a result.
  4. Fewer trips to the garbage cans behind our house.
  5. Fewer raccoons/skunks/cats/dogs/or whatever animal is always getting into the garbage cans behind our house.
  6. Life filled with peace and tranquility where my wife and I dance with giddiness each and every time our daughter goes to use the potty chair, thereby reducing stress and increasing the endorphines that make us feel happier.

Of course, I'll be happy if only number four and/or five are true.


Rebecca del RIo said...

Ryan, you've done it again! You should consider non-fiction / humorous essay writing as a sideline while waiting for the fiction to catch on. You do have a knack for this.
I'm going to print this one for my two daughters: one of whom got her youngest out of diapers just this month, the other who is getting close to having the three-year old out of Pull-Ups. Unfortunately for daughter #2, it's likely she's pregnant again, with child #2, meaning her diaperless days are numbered.
Thanks for the fun!

RyanBruner said...

Thanks, Rebecca. Comments like that make my day!