Friday, March 24, 2006

Disturbing (lack of) E-mail

Each morning, I rise to the grand and glorious notion that at some point that day I'm going to open up my e-mail and find numerous messages from people I don't even know, telling me how thoughtful they are to share the secret they wish they had known about sooner. You know, how to make her happier in bed, or, perhaps, how to make millions by transferring funds from Nigeria, or even the latest stock that is guaranteed to quadruple my money in jus six months.

(It's a shame I don't actually have any money to invest...)

But this morning, it has been very disturbing. A situation that I don't think has ever happened to me. I opened up my e-mail, and there was nothing. Not a single on-line pharmacy pushing the lowest prices on Viagra. Not even a message from those who really do know me, love me, or at least pretend to love me.

It is a little disconcerting, and of course my first thought is that my e-mail must not be working. I mean, by this time, I should have received at least one legitimate e-mail, and perhaps fifteen to twenty illegitimate ones.

So what e-mails am I missing? Maybe an agent has requested my full manuscript? Maybe they requested it last night, and now, because my e-mail isn't working, I didn't see it, and I won't be able to send it to them until tonight, which means it will take the weekend before it even really goes out, and in the meantime the agent will read another full, and decide to represent them, filling up their plate with enough clients to satisfy them so that when they receive mine, they just sort of glance at it, stamp a big, fat, red REJECTED across the cover page, and send it back.

Granted, that's a worst case scenario.

So, I keep hitting "Reload" on my e-mail, hoping that at least the daily Publisher's Lunch e-mail arrives soon, setting my mind at ease. Except that I just remembered that in yesterday's Publisher's Lunch, they announced there would be no Publisher's Lunch today.

And suddenly I have the lyrics to that song playing in my head:

Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of he world?
'Cause there's no e-mail any more.

That is how the song goes, isn't it?

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