Monday, July 10, 2006

Losing My Mind

Several weeks ago, I was with my wife and kids at Walmart. Not sure why it is, but for some reason, my wife and I seem unable to go into Walmart and come out without spending more than $100. This is particularly perplexing since we go to Walmart because of their "Always low prices".

Anyhow, after loading up the cart, two separate trips to the restrooms (once for the sake of my son, and the other for the sake of my daughter), having said, "No, we can't buy that," about fifty times, and then making the all-important decision as to which line not only is shortest but least likely to end up with a blinking lane light, it was our turn to pay. I reached for my wallet, only my wallet wasn't there.

"I don't have my wallet," I said to my wife.

She stared at me, blinking.

"Do you have your purse?"

She stared at me, shaking her head.

"Is it at home?"

She stared at me, nodding her head.

So, there we were with more than $100 worth of merchandise and no way to pay. Not to mention I drove to the store illegally!

Do you know how often this has happened to me? Pretty much never. And if it has, never in such a situation where I actually needed my wallet for more than to just ease my nerves while driving. Yet, it happened to me.

I chalked it up to one mistake. Happens to the best of us, right? (I assume you are nodding your head in agreement.) So, the cashier "suspended" our transaction, I drove home, and returned forty minutes later with my debit card in hand.

But then, last week (okay, not just last week), my wife sent me to the store to pick up three things. I have this rule. If I'm to pick up more than three things, I must have a list, otherwise I'll forget something. But three things? I can always remember three things. Especially when the reward for going out to get said three things was going to include a romantic evening together! One of those three things included Snyder's Honey BBQ pretzel pieces. No problemo!

So, I returned home with considerably more than three things. And when my wife sat down to watch a movie with me, she said, "Uh, where are my pretzels?"

I'm sure my face turned white in the terror of realization. I forgot to buy the pretzels! Was I losing my mind? I apologized profusely, and she gave me this pathetically sad-looking expression and said, "It's okay. I'll manage."

Rip my heart out, why don't you!

But, you know, even the best of persons forgets things like that on occasion. Right? (And again, I assume you are nodding your head in agreement.)

Then, a few days ago, I was heading off to work in the morning. I dutifully kissed my wife goodbye, patted all my kids' heads, and headed out to the car carrying a bag of garbage to the curb for trash day. Reached into my pocket, and what is missing? My keys! So I headed back to the door, but it was locked. Of course I locked it. So I pounded the door. But my wife was still asleep. I pounded again. But we taught our kids not to open the door to strangers (and father's who are hopelessly going insane). It took about five minutes of pounding before someone finally opened the door.

But, you know, even the best of persons can forget... oh, who am I kidding!

Now then. Yesterday. We hopped into the van and headed to Kroger for a bit of grocery shopping. When we arrived, I reached into my back pocket and discovered I had, once again, left my wallet at home!

Which only supports my fears that I truly am losing my mind. Or I've lost my mind already. I mean, sure, I've never been an altogether organized person, but this is downright ridiculous!

Ordinarily, I'd pin the blame on my kids. They've driven me mad. But this time, I'm going to blame my wife. Why?

Well, in the first case, she should have had her purse with her just in case I ever forgot my wallet while we were out. Clearly, she's to blame there.

In the second case, she should have made me a list. I know the rule is more than three items...but honestly, when the stakes are so high, there is no reason to make such a gamble on one's husband!

In the third case...well, I'm not sure why that is my wife's fault...but I'm sure I'll think of something.

In the fourth case, having proven myself unreliable once before with regards to remembering my wallet, my wife should have either reminded me to grab my wallet, or else she should have brought her purse along. So, yeah, most definitely her fault.

In the meantime, anyone know any remedies for lost minds?


Kelsey said...

No advice, but lots of empathy! I've been doing those kinds of things lately too.

Most recently, last night... I made meatloaf and used my handy meat thermometer to make sure it was cooked through. I pulled the pan out with my ovenmitts on, took off the mitts and grabbed the metal thermometer with my bare fingers! OUCH!!

My husband just looked at me with the "Man, that was stupid!" look on his face.

Angie said...

You sound so much like my husband. I don't know how many times he has left for work, said goodbye, gave me kisses and went out the door only to come back in to grab something he forgot. Bad thing is he has a touch of OCD and really gives himself a hard time over these things and overchecks his pockets for things he may have forgotten. so when he leaves for work I know that I am going to get more than one goodbye before he ever leaves the driveway.