Friday, June 16, 2006

An Od(i)e to Fathers

What, exactly, is an "ode" anyway? I hear the term often enough, but other than presuming it is something poetic in nature, I'm not too sure. Funny. Here I am, thirty-three years old, and only just now wondering what in the world an "ode" is.

Odie, on the other hand, is quite clear. I always felt sorry for Odie. Garfield is so mean to him, yet he takes it day after day, stupidly thinking that Garfield cares about him. Will he never learn? Probably not. He is, after all, stupid.

And just why is that? Sure, there are some pretty stupid dogs in the world. But most are actually quite smart. They are pack animals, and quickly adopt any family that takes them in as their own. They'll bark and bark and bark at the next door neighbor each and everytime he steps within a few dozen feet of the yard, despite the fact the neighbor has lived there longer than the dog. Okay, they may not actually be able to protect you in a time of need, but they sure well act like they'll protect you. They'll comfort you when you're down, too. They'll play with you when you need someone to play with.

I suppose, in many ways, fathers are like dogs. Or, at least, they should be. Loyal to his children, protective, both able to wrestle with his kids when they want some playtime, as well as offering hugs and encouragement when they are down.

Of course, fathers shouldn't slobber, I suppose. That would be rude. And disgusting. And definitely no biting, even playfully. You don't even want to see what happens if you bite your child. Child Protective Services doesn't take kindly to biting, as you can imagine.

And, well, fathers probably should use the indoor toilet facilities. It might look kind of funny to go out in the backyard everytime you need to relieve yourself. At least cats know to use a litter box.

On second thought, I suppose fathers shouldn't be like dogs. Maybe they should be like cats. Sleep all day, demanding to be stroked and pet anytime he demands it. His family should be like little planets rotating around Papa Sun. Yeah, that's sound great. At least for one day a year. Father's Day.

That's it. Go ahead and treat him like a cat one day of the year.

The other 364 days, treat him like a dog.

And along those lines, here it is...eh hem...

Ode to Fathers

The time has come to celebrate Dad
To buy him gifts that make him glad.
But what he really wants more than golf tees or ties
Is to learn that the gift you bought was a really great buy.
Because while the sentiment is great, and the tie a great look,
There is nothing more precious than money saved in his pocketbook.

Admittedly, while I'm a writer, I ain't no poet. Still, the intent is the same. My wife asked me what I wanted for Father's Day. I didn't really have an answer. I don't even really care. All that matters to me is that they don't spend much. Because that would make me really happy!

(Although, a new iPod would be nice...)

2 comments:

Angie said...

You sound like my husband. I bought him a new bike this year. He wanted a 3 piece tool set from lowes but he said nah costs too much. I bought the bike and saved him about 40 bucks, That should make him a little happy. He is 35 and has never had a brand new bike. Imagine that. I hope he likes this one.

RyanBruner said...

I'm beginning to learn that there IS a downside to always look for the cheap things.

Several years ago, I bought myself a bike. I spent a while looking, and couldn't imagine spending that much money for a bike. Then, at Toys R Us, I found a bike for significantly cheaper than anything similar. I bought it!

I have since found out that it is a very uncomfortable bike, and the gears don't quite line up right, so I'm constantly adjusting them, and the hand grips aren't quite big enough for my hands.

But whatever. I saved $50, so I just grin and bear it!