Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The Moles Prevail

I've got a mole. Or maybe several moles. How can you know for sure? But if it is only one...it certainly is a busy mole.

My front yard, as tiny as it is, has been residence to the mole or moles since springtime, and now features a lovely network of mounds and tunnels. The resulting pattern is a beautiful mixture faux romance and modern...with just a touch of something rather earthy.

At one point, I actually saw the mole. Well, I saw the ground moving where the mole was digging. Out of desperation (and those of you with weak stomaches or animal lovers might want to skip to the next paragraph), I made a running leap, landing squarely on the moving ground. I stomped several more times for good measure. Really, as much as I don't like the moles, I didn't want the poor thing to suffer. A quick and painful death, that's what I was shooting for. Two days later, the tunnels were back. So, either I missed the mole entirely, or I only got one of them.

So, what to do? And why did they have to set up house in my yard, of all yards in the area. I mean, I've taken great care of my yard, fertilizing every two months, even using GrubX to keep those bugs from eating away my lawn. (They did that several years ago...hence, the GrubX.)

I found this stuff to kill the moles. "Poison Peanuts". Turns out, there are no peanuts in the ingredients at all, which is good for our children. So, several weeks ago, I poke holes in the tunnels and gave them some free food. A few days later, I checked...and the food was gone!

And, to my relief, so were the appearance of more tunnels. Finally. Death to the moles! Only, that also happened to be during a cold spell. As Michigan weather tends to do, it changes for the better. Warm weather returned. And so did the tunnels. I think I only made them sick. So, a few days ago, I went out and gave them more free food. A lot more. And guess what? There are still more tunnels!

The creatures really are amazing little things. They have no issues tunneling under sidewalks and driveways. Yet, they prefer making patterns in my prize-winning lawn. (Okay. I haven't won any prizes, but I was enjoying the alliteration of the P sound in that sentence.)

Now I'm at a loss. I found this spray stuff at Home Depot that you drench your lawn with. It's supposed to annoy the moles and chase them away. But do I really want to do that to my neighbors? (Well, actually...yes, I do, if it means I don't have to deal with them.) Still, I have my doubts it even works. Especially at $12 a bottle!

I have this image of Bill Murray in Caddyshack. That'll be me one of these days. Sticking dynamite in my front lawn, blowing myself up while the moles prevail.


C.W. Cale said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
C.W. Cale said...

I typoed and tried to correct. You can't correct. Hmmm, start again!

Why cannot mole and man live in peace, Ryan? It's not like they're IN your house is it?

Why do American's so enjoy killing every living thing around them?

Oh well, it's very Hemingway, so maybe it'll make you a better writer? ;)

RyanBruner said...

That's a very good question. And I have a very good answer. THEY ARE KILLING MY LAWN!!!

I could live in peace with the moles if it weren't for my lawn. There is plenty of lawn on the hill behind our house, or across the street, which is mostly farmland. THere is even an abandoned lot across the street from us. But, no. The moles decided to live in MY YARD, killing MY GRASS.

I realize they aren't doing it intentionally and all. But, they are doing it nonetheless...so...they must die. :-)

Melanie Lynne Hauser said...

Cats are the best prevention against critters like that!

RyanBruner said...


Yes. Well, ummm. I'm not entirely convinced that cats are the lesser of the two evils. (My sincere apologies to the cat lovers out there.) But I'll take that under advisement. It might be a better alternative to blowing myself up.